The Shiva and the Mourning Moon

A blessed full moon to you all! The Mourning Moon, a time of letting go, a fresh start of the Celtic New Year. For me it feels like a time of preparation for the Winter's hibernation, and for some reason I keep getting an overwhelming sense of She is always there, even tho She lies behind the clouds, always there, more now than ever, and an overflowing feeling of LOVE. Maybe it's the eclipse, I think (hope) it's a sign of the Shift, of 12/12/12 and 12/21/12. It feels like a growing, peaceful, burgeoning dream, almost ready to come to fruition. I feel stronger, more prepared, ready, like I have really given up that which doesn't serve me, and that every step I take, every word I say, is a symbol of Her, the Goddess, She who I will forever serve.

It is almost the sacred day of Hecate, November 30th, Hecate, my Queen of Night, of the dark, of my shadows, of that which I am not afraid; She who is always there with Her guiding torch, helping me to see the way. I trust that there are no mistakes really, just lessons. Funny, I just realized that last night I completed the 21 days of nightly ritual and prayer to become closer to my Soul's true purpose, to release entities that shouldn't be attached to me for lifetimes, to finally get rid of the awful, heavy anxiety, to heal centuries-old wounds, and remove unjustified Karma. Learning who I have been, where my Soul is from in the beginning, what I do between incarnations, who I am as a person and why the Pleiades, the Seven Sisters, has always been my favorite constellation. It all makes everything else in this current existence make sense, and I feel better, lighter, more in tune and so so so much more sure of my path. I feel like a wheel in the track, always moving, but a certain and comfortable fit. It is work that I must do, that I have no choice in really, it is my destiny and I know that there will be more growth and more love and more wisdom. For the first time in years, I am not dreading the coming snow and holidays, I don't mind putting up the decorations and if the things that scare me come to pass, I know I will be able to deal with them in a better way. All of this coming to head on the night before the full moon; we all know everything happens for a reason, and the timing is just a little wink-wink confirmation from the Universe that it is all correct.

So it appears I've had a month of shadow work, of growth despite several hard personal stresses and challenges, without realizing it until that a-ha moment just occurred. Everything is lining up, everything is falling into place and the awareness of it is almost overpowering, the physical feeling of these huge changes and shifts. The shift is complete for now, as Mercury leaves retrograde, as the full moon lights my way, illuminates the dark corners of my mind, aligns my conscious, subconscious, and superconscious, immediately before the eclipse (CHANGE), and before Hecate, who has been assisting me all along the way, even though I didn't see it at the time. Then again, isn't that the way it always is... She is always there, even when it is dark or Her light is disguised behind a veil of clouds, and like a Mother, She always knows what you need, whether or not it is what you want, always there to hold your hand and guide the way. I am so very blessed to have heard Her call. I love you great Goddess, and am ever in your service. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Om Namah Shivaya...

The Magick and the Mundane

I was asked to write about witchy daily lives and where the magick comes from. Well, here's mine.

Every morning when I wake up, I move the curtains aside a little bit and look outside. I notice the color of the sky, the clouds, the sun, the woods surrounding my home; hear the wind rustling through the trees or the rain falling on the roof. Lately of course, it’s been seeing that the trees are getting barer and there are more gold leaves on the ground than green grass peeking through. I look for signs from nature about what’s coming and I listen. I take a deep breath, close my eyes for a second and remind myself that no matter what the day brings, I am ready for it and I can come home to my little peaceful corner of the world and just be. 

I have to get ready for the day by myself and talk to no one, or else I feel rushed, bothered, and agitated. I’m not a morning person and I definitely am one who needs plenty of me time, which is why I love that short, peaceful span when the witchlings have gotten on the bus and I can put on some music and start thinking as I prepare to face the day before leaving for work. The house is pin drop quiet and a little bit eerie, as if the walls are suddenly watching me. That is when my ghostly little girl is there; sometimes making noises to get my attention, but mostly it’s just a feeling that I am not alone. It’s kind of comforting now, actually. If you really paid attention, you’d see that there are spirits all around.

I have a fantastic job, work with great people and enjoy what I do, but the bottom line is that it’s not feeding my soul (but it is what feeds my children, so I keep doing it), and this has become a necessity for me. Something changed over the past few years and I have to do things that I find spiritually fulfilling or I become a mean, aggravated, yelling version of me once I get home that I really don’t like to be. I think its part of awakening and finding your calling. Everything else just feels like a waste of precious time and so, so shallow. I look at everyone around me mindlessly going about their days, one rolling right into the next, thinking this is life as we know it, how it’s supposed to be, that fitting in and keeping up are the important things, but only just skimming the surface, that average, boring surface that if only they would stop and notice the tangible electric spark in the air, on the wind, in the feeling of a raindrop hitting their skin, that they would see a tiny ripple in that surface, peer in a little more closely, and realize there is a whole other world down there, up there, all around there, and they just need to dive in. Strip off the convention and the paradigms and go blindly into the water, just trusting in it all. I can talk a good game to anyone who hasn’t yet awakened, gently suggesting new ways to see, when really I just want to shake them and scream, “WAKE UP, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE!” But then I remember that not every soul is ready for that, that it is their own journey and that maybe my purpose for crossing their path is to be that sorta nutty girl with the deep, wild eyes who talked about Fate, and the Soul, and the Universe and the Goddess as if there were REAL and maybe someday they’ll notice the spark and that tiny little spark will relight their fire.

At night, when everyone is asleep and it’s so very dark, the vast, comforting dark, I am alone with the sky and the moon and the stars and my thoughts. I do the usual cleaning and picking up, the putting back together of what was taken apart and undone throughout the day, and it becomes like a meditation for me, so much so, that sometimes I realize I’ve wiped the counter top this way and that until my arm is a little tired but then I feel satisfied and accomplished, and I can slip into my little me time world and do the things that feed my soul. Sometimes I listen to a song that makes me feel so alive, like I am hurtling through time and space, almost like how I imagine it would feel to fly, and I dance until my heart is pounding, breath fast, every nerve tingling, dance like The Witch of Portobello, feeling it with every fiber of my being. I do all of this until I am truly tired, eyes heavy, and there is nothing left to contemplate that day. Every night I sleep with the window open so I can hear the Goddess and her creatures as I fall asleep and again as I wake up. There is nothing so beautiful as the sound of the night as you drift off to sleep. Nothing. 

That’s where the magick comes from; from finding the beauty and the lessons of the Goddess in every single moment, just slow down and look, feel, ask and you shall receive. The Goddess is all things, in all things; she is a place, a being, a feeling. You can add all the props in the world, with the athame and a chalice and the incense and the salt and the water and the candles all in the right place on your altar, but really it’s all a bunch of stuff that you don’t usually need. The Goddess is around you all the time, and if you stop and notice that just once every day, then that is good enough. She will know.  She will hear your call. The answers are not in the motions of the ritual itself, they are in the feeling you get when you create your intentions and set them forth into the Universe to become. They are in each mindful step you take every day that fills up your heart and brightens the light inside you that you shine out to the world.  Remember if that which you seek you find not within, you will never find without.

Hexing & Protecting

"An it harm none, do what ye will." That's what we believe, what we are supposed to live by. It's part of the Wiccan Rede and I'm not Wiccan, but that doesn't exempt me from treating others the way I want to be treated, which is essentially what that saying boils down to. However, I don't think that means turn the other cheek. I got in a lot of trouble in 4th grade in Catholic school for asking my teacher during a lesson if she was really serious that if someone literally slapped me, I should offer them my other cheek to be hit again. She said yes. Fuck that and by the way mom, it was really shitty that you made me write her an apology note for having common sense in my nine year old head. I've written about this whole idea before and realized a few things. Self awareness is a wonderful thing.

First, I believe in karma, but I may be YOUR karma.

Second, a witch walks in both the light and the dark. I think this whole "white witch" thing is a crock of shit. That says to me you're still scared to be a witch. You're hiding. Deal with your shadows. Accept what you are, what you do, and most importantly, what you are capable of. A WITCH WHO CAN'T HEX CAN'T HEAL.

Third, I WILL DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT ME AND MINE.

My daughters have been harassed, stalked, photographed, verbally assaulted, physically threatened, taunted and called whore daily on the bus by a 14 year old 6th grader (yeah, you read that right) for over a year. He tells them he stands outside our home watching them. My house was broken into a couple months ago, but nothing was taken. Perhaps not so coincidentally, the home a couple of doors down of another girl he bullies was too, at the same time in the same exact way. He's recently started coming after me. Let him come. I'm not a scared little girl.

Of course I am following the proper channels, but so far it clearly hasn't worked. As such, tomorrow I will do as any witch would do. I will protect my family. I may share a tiny bit simply because it's an opportunity to learn, but I must dare to be silent as you all well know. Tonight, I've done other things. Like I said, I may be the source of your fucking karma. That boy will have to walk through a wall of invisible fire to get to us. So Mote it Be.

Alive & Kicking

It's been a rough few weeks and I'm having a little trouble finding my happy place. Sick mother in law, sick grandparents, the death of a good friend's father, bills to pay, work work work, school and practice and activities for the witchlings, an ever-messy house and piles of laundry, repeatedly rescuing the cats from the dog and trying not to resent my husband for sleeping through it all on the couch in front of the TV every night (he does get up every single day at 4am and work seven days a week, so I can't fault him for that).

I so desperately want to start this new life I have envisioned for myself and it feels like doing anything else is just stifling and utterly pointless. All I really want to do is write, start my ideas (so MANY ideas), and play on Tumblr and Facebook all day, connecting with the other like-minded people out there, for they are the brightest stars in my sky. There is my happy place and real life has been taking the spotlight lately, so it was perfect timing when a friend wrote about the need to play. The take home message for me was to lighten my heart, even when times are tough and the chips are down, and it made me think of what do I usually do when I need a pick me up, what do I do to get back to my happy place?

Well, music of course, and this song does it every time. Alive and Kicking by Simple Minds. Maybe it doesn't speak to you like it does to me, but at night when everyone is asleep, sometimes I go out in the garage, put this on repeat as loud as the earbuds will go and dance. Dance until I my head is spinning, heart racing, out of breath, feeling ALIVE and KICKING. Dance like Coelho's Witch of Portobello, becoming the rhythm and the energy, feeling it coursing through my veins and skin like electricity. I feel more connected to myself, to the earth, to the Universe, the Goddess, letting my heart and soul silently sing my thoughts and feelings and PUSHING it out there like a ripple from a tiny pebble thrown into the water, waiting for its return. I go outside and stare at the inky sky, the stars, wonder at the infinity of it all, feel the rain on my skin and the wind in my hair and know that all is right with my world at this little moment.

"What you gonna do when things go wrong?
What you gonna do when it all cracks up?
What you gonna do when the Love burns down?
What you gonna do when the flames go up?
Who is gonna come and turn the tide?
What's it gonna take to make a dream survive?
Who's got the touch to calm the storm inside?
Who's gonna save you?
Alive and Kicking
Stay until your love is, Alive and Kicking
Stay until your love is, until your love is, Alive."

10 Things About Me

So I had this brilliant idea that I was going to blog every day this month, what with it being October and all, the witchiest month of the year, but already I've fallen short of my endeavor. Shocking, I know.

At any rate, with that being said, I figured I'd share a few things about myself. I feel a bit like Narcissus, because really, why would anyone want to know anything about me, but I LOVE to read other peoples' personal posts about them. I have this community of online "friends" and I do really mean friends in the sincerest way, but I know nothing about most of you. Feel free to comment and tell me something about YOU!

Okay, here we go.

1. I am a true Cancerian (hard exterior) and it takes a special person to love me for who I am, flaws and all. If you know me well, you know what I mean.

2. I have green eyes.

3. I only wear black, purple, gray, taupe and more black. I live in ripped jeans like it's my job. Every time I think I should break out my comfort zone, I panic.

4. I have music on at all times and love pretty much everything, except country. You all know my Stevie Nicks obsession and she's singing Sara (drowning in the sea of love where everyone would love to drown...) to me right now. I can beat the pants off of anyone at music trivia or name that tune and have won a contests because I knew Queen's Radio Gaga and John Mellencamp's Paper and Fire.

5. The ghost of a little girl lives in my house. No, I'm not kidding. And no, I'm not the only one to have experiences or sees her. Spend enough time there and you will too. I don't say haunts because she's like a member of my family now.

6. I love German Shepherds and black cats. Any other breed/color, eh, not so much.

7. I have 8 tattoos, and am planning the next. Sorry, Mom.

8. I live for anything and everything medieval, even designed and decorated my house as much like a castle as possible. There are gargoyles on the front and back porches all year long.

9. I have a major thing for blue collar guys who get dirty at work, wear work boots and drive pick up trucks. As a matter of fact, I married one.

10. You will never find me without my Diet Coke. Never. Ever. Never.

Witch

I am a witch. I’ve always been one I suppose, it just took me a while to figure it out and put a label on it. From the age of about 2 or 3, I’ve known things, seen things, fortold things. I say what others are thinking, I think what others are about to say, I think of someone and they call, I dream and it comes true, I feel the energy of a space (I hate crowded places and hotel rooms are the worst), I read emotions and know what people feel, I can see what’s in your soul from the look in your eyes, and I can connect with those passed through the veil. I always felt different than everyone else. I didn’t fit in even though I tried. It was only much later that I became grateful that I didn’t, that I wasn’t average, that I wasn’t like everyone else.

I follow the moon on a crooked and shadowed path, follow the old ways, walk with the Goddess, She who is my mother, your mother, our mother. Maiden, Mother, Crone, Queen of the Night, hear my call, know that I am in your service. Each day I feel more rooted and sure of each step I take, feels like FATE, like HOME. I must do this, I have to do this. They say that once you start seeking, you will never stop. It has become a part of me, it is in my blood. There was a time I was unsure of what I was doing and as fate would have it, I saw a medium who I felt an immediate connection to, and she told me of another life where I am surrounded by women and offer their prayers to the Goddess, that I have always been this way, a healer, a witch, and as she said those words to me, the tears fell from my eyes because I knew, I KNEW, I was doing what I am MEANT TO BE DOING. I am a Priestess, having taken my sacred and secret vows to the Goddess. I practice the craft both alone and with my sisters by choice, the sisters of my coven, who are my spiritual strength and support. I have come to find so many like-minded individuals, the other seekers, all of whom I love and cherish even though we have never met, or even spoken - you know who you are and you feed my hungry soul.

I know this is real, I know that when you light the candles, burn the incense, set your intention, speak the words and it share it with the Universe, it comes true. Be careful what you wish for. Do the ritual, just do it. Live it. Make it part of your daily life, not just something you do on an Esbat or Sabbat. Observe nature and live in harmony with it. Grow when the moon waxes and let go when it wanes. Be present. Find what makes you happy, find your peace, find where you feel like home. Trust in yourself and your spirit, learn your lessons, and love. Follow your instincts and you will never go wrong.

Haunt Me Still: Witches and Witchcraft Reading Challenge

Double, Double Toil and Trouble, Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble...

This is the first Jennifer Lee Carrell book I've read, and unfortunately this book doesn't identify itself as a sequel, or even a part of the series. For the first couple of chapters, I kept re-reading back wondering who a couple of these characters were, and why the author was describing them as if the reader should already be familiar with them. Once I had that realized I was fine, since one does not need to read the first book in order to follow the second.

I chose this book for subject matter - historical fiction elements, Shakespeare (specifically Macbeth) and witches. The author clearly did her research and it was interesting learning about the curse of Macbeth. She also was pretty accurate when describing the Wiccan aspects, which is a refreshing break from reading stuff about Wiccans and witches who have super hero-like powers - sorry, maybe it's just me, but I like my witchiness to be realistic.

A couple of things I didn't like - I kept trying to get a sense of timing in the story, but couldn't. At one point it seemed like the main character didn't change her clothes for days! This left me wondering how long it took to solve the mystery. Also, at one point the main character makes an unprepared for trans-Atlantic flight and back in seemingly no time, which again, wasn't realistic enough for me.

Overall, the book felt like a mash up of a British lit lesson, The DaVinci Code and a good sprinkling of the occult and witchcraft for readers like me who'll read anything on the latter.

http://melissaseclecticbookshelf.blogspot.com/2012/07/witches-witchcraft-reading-challenge.html